Positive Feelings
by MovieBuffStarlet
Summary: Angel and Collins have a heart to heart talk.


"Thomas?" Angel leaned back into the cushions of the couch in an attempt to get comfortable.

"Hmmm?" Completely engrossed in the book he was currently reading, Collins was absent minded.

"How did you react when you first found out that you were HIV positive?"

Collins stopped reading. Tearing his eyes away from the words on the page, he turned his head to look at Angel, raising an eyebrow slightly.

"And what suddenly got you thinking about this, Angelcake?" He teased him good naturedly. It seemed out of character for Angel to want to talk about something as…serious as that. The subject matter was kind of a downer.

Angel shrugged, winking at him.

"I don't know. I think I'm just bored…"

Collins laughed. He set the book down on the coffee table and settled down into the cushions as well, snuggling up against Angel. Angel leaned his head on his chest.

"Well…" He began, as if he was telling Angel a bedtime story. He slid an arm around Angel's shoulders. "Once upon a time, there was this young, handsome, rebellious man. A genius, really. He loved the city he grew up in for its art, excitement, culture and diversity. When he came face to face with a death sentence, he realized that he wanted to see as much as possible and not stay in one place for the remainder of his life. He wanted to travel the world and educate himself and others…to enlighten their little minds…"

Angel giggled, rolling his eyes. He didn't think that hearing his lover refer to himself in the third person could be so funny.

"This brilliant young man was searching for happiness, they say. And then the best thing in the world happened to him one Christmas Eve…he got his _ass kicked_!"

Angel blushed, knowing where this was going.

"…And then he was _saved_ by this beautiful Angel…surely heaven sent. That is when he found true happiness…and one _hell_ of a lover! The end."

"Bravo, baby! I call for an encore!" Angel grinned. He felt the urge to clap at the flamboyant, cheesy, interesting little story. Maybe Collins should've been a motivational speaker…

"Your turn." Collins gave Angel a gentle squeeze, kissing his black, curly hair.

Not looking up at him, Angel shifted uncomfortably in his arms. He was caught off guard…he didn't expect to talk about _himself_.

_Oh, well. I might as well go ahead…it's only fair…_

"Um…"

"_Yeeeeees_??" Collins crooned jokingly, his deep voice tickling Angel's ear.

"I suppose I knew I was sick for quite a long time…most of my life. I allowed myself to be in denial about my condition…and then I started to get very sickly when I was about 13. It was almost a chronic situation. Still, it took me four years to finally muster up the courage to get tested…"

Angel paused here. He was emotional but his voice did not waver. It was all like a distant memory. Collins was about to speak to him…to comfort him. Then, Angel spoke up again.

"There I was…a 17 year old kid and I already felt as if my life was over. I went home from the hospital in this…trance-like state…like a nightmare I couldn't wake up from. It was all too surreal. As soon as I got home, I made a beeline for the bathroom and hopped into the tub…I just felt so _dirty_. I wanted to wash that sensation away and forget about my troubles. Well, the bathtub filled up pretty quickly and I reached over to shut off the water so I could lean back and soak..."

"And what happened?" Collins whispered, entranced by Angel's story.

"I realized that the water was turned up to the highest temperature it could go. I must've turned the heat all the way up without being consciously aware of what I've done." Angel shrugged in his arms.

Collins cringed. "Wow…"

"But the thing is, I felt no pain. I just watched as my skin turned bright red…it was fascinating, really. I was totally numb…I guess I just wanted to feel again and that's why I turned the water heat up so high. Anyway, there I was…lying in a bathtub full of scalding water yet I felt nothing. I _laughed_. And then this thought occurred to me…"

"What thought, Ang?"

"That if I can do this, maybe I can literally cure myself of HIV if I concentrate hard enough. A kind of 'mind over matter' philosophy, you know? I went back and forth between feeling utterly hopeless to that one positive state of mind for several months…and then the rage kicked in…."

Angel shook his head, wrinkling his nose.

"I'd rather not dwell on it. Let's just say that it was the only time that I truly felt I was going mad."

Collins remained quiet for a long time, taking it all in. He didn't even think it was possible to love Angel more than he usually did…but that was before Angel shared this with him. Now, his love seemed to grow to astronomical proportions. He squeezed Angel again, pressing a noisy, fond kiss to his hair once more.

"What was that for, honey?" Angel cringed slightly, giggling because he was ticklish.

"You are incredible, Angelcake. Look how far you've come."

THE END

_A/N: Did I mention how much I love Angel? Oh well, here it is again…_

_I LOVE YOU, ANGELCAKE! (traps her in a giant bear hug)_

_Sorry about that! I'm on a bit of a Red Bull high right now. ;)_


End file.
